You have heard me write probably more than you need about how amazing this life is. It’s true, I am in love with it. The freedom to travel, the unbelievable places we visit and the memorable people we meet along the way. I try to keep it real and never gleam over the fact that oftentimes, especially in cities or on rainy days, it’s claustrophobic as hell and cleaning is a constant battle. But I never really talk about one of the biggest battles in this life. The truth is, this one leaves me vulnerable and I am sure you’re not here to read about the down times. Regardless, here it is.
Vanlife is lonely.
I know, I am constantly beside Myles, how can it be lonely. I am always writing about how we meet and talk to new people every single day, that doesn’t sound lonely. Well, it is. It is weird to me that my life feels so very on display that I never have privacy and yet still feel lonely.
The road to anywhere. We left Nelson a week ago with the decision to not look at maps and instead just take the turns that looked good to us. Some lead us down incredible roads and some lead us down roads we were pretty sure Gurt wasn't going to make it down. No plans, no destination... let's see what we find 😍
Myles said to me one day “you know you’re great and all but I wish I had another opinion.” How true those words are, it actually shocked me. I may have been thinking it, but hearing him say it aloud reaffirmed just how lonely this life gets sometimes.
There are some things I just don’t want to talk to Myles about, you know those things you need a girlfriend for. Well in this life, I can’t just show up at my best friends door. If I have a question, Myles opinion is the only one I get. Sure, it is a great opinion and one I value more than any other, but sometimes you just crave a friend.
While we still have our friends, texting them isn’t as good as the real deal and sometimes it gets to us. We have learned that one of the best ways to combat this is to get a WiFi plan and message our friends whenever we start to feel lonely (sorry Courtney for the constant chatter).
We tend to feel less claustrophobic in this life and generally just worlds happier in the forest, but the downside of this is that we lose our reception and therefore our lifeline to our friends. Doing things independently, such as taking our dogs on a hike, even for a short time typically fixes this as we come back breathless from explaining all the cool things we found.
A side effect from this loneliness that has both good and bad repercussions is that we have learned about each other on such a deep level. This has brought us closer than we ever could have imagined but also caused some strife. I know what Myles is thinking by a mere face twitch now.
From someone like me who seems to never shut up to someone like Myles who is a man of few words, it is interesting to me that at times he feels the affects more than I do. I believe it is because I am constantly either chatting his ear off, telling long elaborate stories to the dogs or writing so much that my fingers feel they may fall off. Sure I may drive him nuts or look crazy when sitting on the grass talking to Roxy but for me it works.
Every life has pros and cons but for me the freedom I feel and the ever changing backdrop is a pro that far outweighs any con I am yet to find.